i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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