Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
