what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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