He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
