goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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