HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
