God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize