Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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