Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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