I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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