Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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