he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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