Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
