Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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