So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
