I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
