I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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