i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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