Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
These tits shall not be calmed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
