I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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