remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
