I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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