i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
