You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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