He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
