i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
