Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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