Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
