Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize