where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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