I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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