apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
