dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
