You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's how pantless uber rides happen
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
