we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
50% drunk capacity currently
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
