This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
