Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
