my phone needs a breathalizer
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
