What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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