Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
