He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
