**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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