i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We named our party play list daddy issues
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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