Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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