Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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