I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
