Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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