Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
