tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
