When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
the raccoons are back...
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