Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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