i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
