Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
