Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
