so let's talk penis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
