i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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