wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
