It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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