Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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