the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
