So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize