I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
