batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
