planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
