hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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