I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
