i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
