Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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