I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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