Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
