I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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