I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
