Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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