i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
