my mouth tastes like poor choices
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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