Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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