A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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