I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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