Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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