those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize