Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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