This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
