I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
