I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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