We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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