Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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