I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
