im drinking this country out of the recession.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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