Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize